Alucard vs Edward Cullen
by Insieme per la vittoria
Summary: Instead of Tubalcain Alhambra, Millenium has sent Edward Cullen to combat Alucard at the hotel. Will Edward fare any better than Tubalcain Alhambra, or is he doomed to be eaten by the Vampire King?


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hellsing or Twilight.**

Seras woke, shocked. Alucard stood over her, having shaken her awake.  
"What is it, master?"  
"Something's happening outside."

Outside the hotel, thousands of police were gathered. In the tent that contained the police officials, a boy in a grey coat stood, having told them to kill the vampires in the hotel.

The SWAT team charged into the room, finding Alucard standing before them. Having been ordered to kill on sight, they filled him with bullets, tearing him apart. As they started to move away, he chuckled. "Dogs… Nice try, but I cannot be killed by dogs. It takes a man in order to kill a monster!"

In the Millennium zeppelin, the major listened as the Swat team screamed.  
"Well, it's no fun yet, that's for sure. Who cares how many of these little police people he tears apart? It's like sprinkling water on the raging fire. Tell Edward Cullen it's time to attack."

The doors of the hotel shattered, and six police officers came flying out, landing on the flagpoles outside the hotel, becoming impaled on the poles. Alucard then stepped out, a huge smirk on his face. Edward stepped forward.  
"You are as evil as I heard, Alucard. Why do you insist on being so violent?"  
Alucard smirked. "I merely did what had to be done. If you want to blame someone, blame the idiots who sent them up, but then I'm guessing that idiot is you."  
Edward started to adopt a battle stance. "They sent me to bring you in."  
Alucard rolled his eyes, still smirking. "You're starting to bore me. Cut to the chase."  
Edward placed dainty gloves on his hands, smacking them together and emitting a burst of flame. Alucard could tell there was a system of mechanics in the fabric of the gloves that worked like a large cigarette lighter.  
"I'm here to end your unlife, you monster. I've been tasked with the job of bringing you in. At least a sample of you, anyway."

Edward charged at Alucard, slamming his flaming fist into the other vampire, burning him slightly. Alucard easily shoved Edward back. "I get it. There's simply no reasoning with you people. Didn't your sparkly compatriots learn anything from the last time I decimated them?"

Edward charged Alucard, and the two began exchanging blows. Finally, Alucard jumped onto the wall of the hotel, walking up it to the roof. Edward ran into the hotel, and took the elevator.

On the roof, Alucard casually leaned against an air shaft, waiting. After a few minutes, the door burst open, and Edward stepped out. Edward charged again, and Alucard tossed him back.  
"As a vampire you're a piece of shit."  
Edward scowled, before attacking Alucard, who simply stood and allowed the gloves' fire emitting to burn him down. Edward smiled slightly. "I am the greatest vampire after all."

Suddenly, Alucard reappeared, starting to glow.  
"Cromwell restrictions, 3…2…1, released! Soon the light of day will be lost! Fate has brought you to this!"  
Edward watched, horrified, as Alucard morphed into a being formed entirely of moving shadows. The head of a giant dog with thousands of eyes appeared among the shadows that composed Alucard, and Edward instantly became terrified. He started to attack with the fire emitting gloves, but a tendril of shadow destroyed them, spilling the internal mechanics all over the ground, and slicing off Edward's hands in the process. As Edward started to recoil, Alucard appeared behind him, gripping him and kicking his leg in at the knee, breaking his leg off below the knee.

Edward struggled in Alucard's grip, before swinging his stump of a right arm at Alucard. Alucard slammed his own fist into Edward's stump, shattering his arm completely. He then punched is other shoulder, striking his other arm completely off.  
"Come on, keep fighting me! You've only suffered the loss of your arms and one leg! Summon your familiars, regrow those limbs, stand up and fight me again! The evening's still so young!"  
Alucard held up Edward's severed right hand, crushing it between his fingers.

Edward turned away, horrified. "Monster!"  
Alucard smiled. "Just as I thought. You're a piece of shit. Just a walking mirror ball. You can't regrow your limbs, you can't change into mist or a bat, and now that you've lost those gloves you can't even defend yourself. You dare to call yourself Nosferatu?"

Edward struggled, and Alucard dropped him. Edward stood on his remaining leg, struggling to balance. He then charged at Alucard, attempting to ram him, but Alucard simply shot his remaining leg off, before catching him by the neck as he fell. "That's checkmate, Edward Cullen!"

Alucard raised Edward above his head, breaking him apart with his hands, before consuming him, leaving a burned out pile behind. Seras stepped up next to him. Alucard widened his eyes.  
"So, it's war then, is it?"  
Seras stepped into Alucard's field of vision, but Alucard turned away, looking at the moon, not even noticing as a helicopter appeared, Pip Bernadotte in the seat, pointing a gun at the pilot. Pip called out, but Alucard ignored him.  
"We're encouragable war mongers, aren't we, major? We ruin the countries we govern and the people in our care, we destroy our enemies and sacrifice all our allies. We'll keep killing until there's nothing left but to destroy ourselves."  
Pip yelled louder. "People! Come on, we need to get going now!"

In the Millennium zeppelin, the major looked at Edward's remains through the cameras, laughing uproariously.  
"Poor sparkly man. Ugh, he looks like a broken rag doll. Our opponent is very impressive, isn't he? He's stronger than any of us could ever imagine. Of course, a sparkly little insect like Mr Cullen is not a very good opponent for him. The things we've learned today will serve us well against the Alucard in the future. Still, we'd best return back home for a bit. This most delightful show must now draw to an end. Auf Wiedersehen, warrant officer sparklepuss."


End file.
